Category Archives: love

Happy Love Day

True Love & Toxic Love: 14 Core Differences

In honor of the day and love that uplifts, heals, and frees the heart.

I was going to write something romantic, but there’s plenty of romantic sentiment elsewhere today.

Awareness is supreme and to be able to really let go and play in a relationship we need awareness. We need understanding and trust.

We often learn the hard way how important those things are though, even if we already know what they are.

Those with hearts often serve as prey to toxic people and behaviors. Always taking it on like we have to for some reason. Rationalizing the mistreatment in some way out of misplaced empathy and wishful thinking.

The ideal love we think we have is shattered by slights and abuses that we don’t even recognize until it’s too late. Maybe we try to hold on to the person who is hurtful and situation that devalues us.

You can’t love a parasite in your body away nor can you love a toxic person, a narcissist, to change. It just feeds and enables them.

So fuck them.

I don’t believe in moral ambiguity when it’s about how human beings should treat each other. This is the simplest and least ambiguous thing there is.

Some people would say that these aren’t positive wishy washy words for the holiday, and I’d say that’s exactly what a toxic person would say. If we see no evil and speak no evil we can’t see their behavior and point them out.

So protect thyself with awareness.

Love can still (always) be experienced. From a different perspective, maybe a weary if not wiser perspective, it can be had though.

The bad experiences take us into the dark, they block us off from real love and try to isolate us. Love is always there though, it doesn’t go anywhere. We can always find it again. It’s found deep within if you can survive your own scars, pain, and sadness.

People who haven’t really been hurt tend to recycle the same old rhetoric that you’ll find love again and it will make everything right. That puts the focus outside the self though, it continues the problem that lead to the hurt first place. It makes it someone else’s responsibility.

And what of the time in between meeting someone else and being alone? Who’s to say that you do meet someone else? Not trying to be a downer as there is a great possibility we will meet someone else yet there’s no guarantees. So you have to get to know yourself, make a friend with yourself. Know your heart and body.

There are no guarantees but we can increase our chances of encountering love again by getting to know ourselves. Healing ourselves. Knowing what we love and what we’re about, tends to attract the same. That’s when we’re most magical, that’s when we meet love when we least expect it but it’s not even the universe’s power that delivers the new experiences. It’s our own. It’s how much we know and love ourselves, and draw others to us who are compatible with our self love.

I think, and this is my experience, what makes everything alright is knowledge. It’s processing what happened and coming out more aware and stronger from it.

Fuck the toxic and abusive people. I don’t mean that spitefully. I mean, they don’t deserve thought or energy. If they’ve hurt us they’ve already taken enough from us.

What is normally a virtue and strength in a healthy relationship, a toxic person will exploit as a weakness and use against us. Especially empathy and the desire for things to be better than they really are.

Empathy and openness make a healthy relationship incredibly strong, but in a toxic relationship they are exploited and leave you feeling exploited and bad about yourself.

A healthy relationship should build us up though. It should honor and exalt our hearts and humanity, not exploit them. The first relationship we have is with ourselves.

There is often little we can do to control how others treat us if they don’t care to care how they treat us. We have all the control in how we treat ourselves and that relationship though.

I could write volumes about the toxic and hurtful experiences I’ve been through, and how I’ve been used at times of vulnerability and naivety. The answer is the same though no matter who we are and what we’ve been through. The only thing that makes it right is the healing we do within. The knowledge and awareness we give to ourselves.

It puts us in a position to love and be loved as a whole not a half. Two wholes make a stronger relationship, like interlocking rings. How do they interlock if they are whole? That’s the magic of real love. Its bonds are powerful and yet it is completely freeing and uplifting.

Truth is Offensive

Truth is offensive.

It always has been. I guess ever since there has been an “ego”.

This truth has merely been politicized (and weaponized against the common mind) in modern day. That truth is offensive. So the ego becomes its own autoimmune disease against its own consciousness and chances at growth out of the darkness.

Embrace truth. Embrace self honesty. Face your own mirror. Be brave to see through the bias that you hold about the world around you.

Tear the circus down because it’s not providing you with useful content or even entertainment. It’s a parasite that is feeding off of you. You are its battery and it has no love or respect for you. We’re all resources for it to exploit. So clowns of every shady shade can dance on stage while we suffer for scraps.

This isn’t about calling others out and poking holes in others’ arguments for a myopic and brief hit of egotism over the other guy. This is about having the courage to see the blind spots and holes in your own view. To undress your own hypocrisy. As difficult as it is.

It’s better to learn to sustain on boring offensive truth than the unsustainable fast food. The fast food that makes us feel good as it makes us feel like shit, but we push that discomfort deep down. Our aversion to the fast food is our guardian yet we push it down to put on a face and go along with the crowd.

No one has to follow the crowd off the cliff. It may have a strong momentum but going within is a stronger grounding.

Embrace truth because it’s the only way to survive. The body needs proper nutrients and the consciousness needs real light and truth.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!

May your ego be full of a little less hubris and your attitude a little less cynicism

If we’re corrosive to ourselves and others it doesn’t matter how much love and happiness we receive. It gets drained.

So I wish you sobriety. May you learn to look at life without bias so your ego doesn’t constantly drain you.

If all you want is happiness and simplicity I hope that truth never finds you. I hope you manage to hide from the light in uncomfortable darkness. Though maybe you have some form of superficial light to cling to like money, outer beauty, material possessions, social status, etc. So if all you want is to be simple and happy, may your desire for substance and true light never surpass the shallow measures in your life.

Do not expect me to join you, do not expect me to respond when you get mad when I walk away. I return jagged insults back to sender. If you have shadow to process then may you realize what caused it, and eat your own, instead of making it someone else’s burden. None of us can afford those who wield hurt but turn into drama majors when the mirror is turned on them. There are people with mental illness who behave that way but the majority of the population has no such excuse.

If you’re hurtful toward others may you find the humility to see yourself and see past your ego to consider other people. May you realize it’s not all about you,

May this be the year you realize that if you play with negating words/actions toward others you’re playing with darkness and waive your right to play a victim. There is no right side when the sides are owned by darkness.

May this be the year we all see through the facade of our own false “innocence” aka naivety, the hubris that corrodes our true essence.

If you want to be more than a creature in a cage, may you wake up to how brutally and beautifully complex and incredible life is.

At the end of the day we don’t matter as superficial identities that mostly aren’t even defined by us but by society and what we think we need to be. I don’t wish you trite happiness if it means going to sleep in the machine. I wish that you find courage to face the light of consciousness and your mirror.

Happy New Year. Many blessings. May you find humility and your best possible path that makes you shine and contributes to the universe at large. Be a universal citizen and be your own authority on your integrity. Neither gods, nor karma, nor anyone else is going to keep you in check.

Shine And Receive

All beings want to be in the light of the Father and love of the Mother.

All higher beings potentially represent that to those further down the soul evolution ladder.

Yet when I play with an animal, I feel like a child. I feel the light on me.

A Bird On The Road

bird

I saw this guy in the middle of the road driving home through the downpour. Everyone else was driving over him. I didn’t want to stop either, it was pouring and I was tired. I did though. He was huddled and hurt so I carefully put my hand under him. Brought him into the woods and was gonna place him under some leaf cover, he gripped my fingers like he didn’t want to be put on the ground. He shook and pinched me every time the thunder clapped overhead.

At any other time this bird would fly away. At that moment I could feel he did not want to be alone. So I drove home with him in my palm, one hand on the wheel. I put him under a covered deck where it was dry and not in the open. Dried him off and gave him my shirt to rest on.

After I took him home I wanted to keep helping. He was hopping and stretching his wings, eyes were open and alert. I knew the best thing I could do was trust nature and his strength. So after the storm cleared I took him back to the spot I found him. It was a cool drive because he was alert and looking out the window. I found some brush and cover, and he hopped to it. I said a little nature prayer, wished him well , thanked him, and that was that.

It was a heart intensive experience and my honor to help this beautiful bird. It is sacred to work with nature. He could of been dying and maybe all I did was show him something other than cold rain in those moments. Maybe he survived and I saved him. Maybe I gave him reassurance and held space for him, and the rest was in the hands of nature and whatever spirits were watching out for him. I have no illusions that this bird would let me pick him up if I saw him again. All life is sentient on some level though. Everything has a need to connect. No one wants to feel scared and isolated in the storm.

When we encounter a wounded animal or part of nature it is our responsibility to be the best caretakers and stewards we can in the span of time we are asked to. We make life a little better when we approach the wounds with mindfulness and empathy.

Love Begins

Love begins in quiet recognition and appreciation.

Not the ego. Not “How can I use this person? What can they do for me?”. Not in building ideas of someone without actually listening to them. Not misrepresenting them, which even the bible symbolically alludes to with “bearing false witness”. The concept is ancient.

What love is, is timeless.

Climbing Mountains

FHLs

Day # I don’t know, of my recovery. Pushing myself, facing my body’s pains and fear. I think it’s getting there when you can do the Rocky moves in your work out. I don’t need a mountain to climb, I’ve been climbing a mountain since I was born. The mountains run away from me because they’re afraid I’m gonna eat them up in toe and heel.

It’s the journey and it can be long and lonely.

Sometimes there’s people along the way and they say, “Hey you’re so good at this can you carry my weight?”. Sometimes you help them out. Sometimes you gotta leave them in the wind.

It’s the paradox of the mountain. There’s other people on it and if you’re higher than they are and they’re asking for help, they can’t return the favor. Not today. They’ll make you feel alone as you carry their weight close to your chest. You’re not really holding them, just holding their load. They might be sitting on their ass at the bottom of the mountain. They might be higher than you but not in heart because they might forget about you when they make it.

It’s the paradox of the mountain. The more alone you are on the rugged trail and it does draw ragged beads from stung eyes, the more alone the closer you feel. In the open air, closer to everything. The more you appreciate every contact and every connection.

I’ve been climbing since I was born. There’s only one other person I respect in this world and that’s the person who’s climbing theirs too.

You can only hope that others live with the same reverence, like a spark of solidarity, but you gotta climb yours, gotta love yours.

It’s the journey, it’s the trail tailor made to the soul, fit to the soles. It’s our mountains we climb. It’s our climbs that bring us together. In the climb we find our peace, in our deepest pushes we find our harmony.

Happy Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s day. Here’s a cute video.

Mothers give birth to cute animals like this. If we are to truly respect the mother we must respect her children, the life she gives birth to. It takes a lot of energy and love to create a new lifeform let alone birth and raise it.

To love one mother we must love all mothers, and the life they bring into the world.

People often forget this in “I love my momma” sentiments. I love my momma too but it is upon us to do more than revert to sappiness when faced with the archetype of the mother. It’s upon us to bring consciousness to the love we feel for our mommas. It’s upon us to live and act in ways that consciously recognize and respect the mother.

To do so we must respect all that she gives birth to. One gave birth to each of us too. She provided us the opportunity to experience life. Thank her by respecting her work.

Happy Mother’s day. Live, laugh, and celebrate life!

***something fun to do: see how many Conan Obrien’s you can spot in the video (this sentence is only as random as creation is spontaneous).

The Deepest Temptation

If you want to know why the world is fucked up and why “despite all my rage I’m still just a rat in a cage”, read this.
Then follow up with this as an example of the problem.

It should be noted that the dogmatic assholes who level accusations of moral failing, sin and karma against addicts or anyone in a destitute situation are (consciously or not) part of or serving the evil they claim to be fighting.

They’re part of a destructive system that plays games against humanity. A system that trips humanity up and gets people to feel guilty about themselves for being human. These forces do not want a harmonious world. They want chaos and suffering. They know that the rats are going to go for the drugged water if the cage is made toxic and isolating.

The nature of true evil is not a moral failing or fairy tale figure with horns and a tail. The nature of true evil is something incredibly anti-human (anti-life, anti-matter, anti-spirit). It has no point of reference in the human world and known universe other than maybe the deepest and staunchest clingings on to the force of denial. Denial against freedom, beingness, and the very natural and spontaneous flow of creation itself.

Evil is what has created our culture and is everywhere in society where natural humanity is shamed and natural connection and bonding between warm blooded creatures is shunned.

Some call this evil “patriarchy”, and the negative male ego is very much part of it. The negative male ego, with its desire for power and control, is sort of evil’s prison bitch. The negative male will readily sell out his soul if he thinks he’s going to get a power or ego fix from it. Many men habitually exist in this state of soullessness because it’s been woven into society and the collective mind to think and act in such ways.

Despite how many men (and women) have sold out for power, for money, for fancy suits and cars, and to own the feminine* the source of evil is not humanity. It is something very not human. Something akin to the machines in the Matrix movies. Something that does not understand humanity and its needs at all, something with a sadistic apathy toward it.

*At least the material expression of the feminine (and human soul), as the highest heavens elude those who operate in control and malignant aggression… in crude terms one can not rape their way into the highest gateways of the Mother. Doorways only open for honest hearts and spirits that grasp compassion. “Heaven” never kicked us out, we strayed from it. We kick ourselves out and close the door further with every unhuman act. Love is eternal however, and the arms of love reach out and cry as we stray into unnatural, unhuman territory. Only unnatural patriarchal gods seek to judge (with their limited sight) and punish. Truly, the truest eternal power cries out quietly for us and reminds us that we can turn away form our self betraying unhuman ways at any time and come back to our humanity and souls.

This is the truest temptation of the Mother force, the feminine expression, that unhuman religions and autistic masculine minds demonize and fear.

It’s basic touch itself, even the recognition of our own beingness in our own warm bodies, that these unhuman forces seek to separate us from and have developed entire mind infecting paradigms of polarization and terror against.

It is that basic need that tempts us in our deepest souls to reunite with. Love is what nourished our souls and made any of us what we are today. It is sad how far we’ve strayed.

I can hear the universe crying for us, can you?