Category Archives: self love

Happy Love Day

True Love & Toxic Love: 14 Core Differences

In honor of the day and love that uplifts, heals, and frees the heart.

I was going to write something romantic, but there’s plenty of romantic sentiment elsewhere today.

Awareness is supreme and to be able to really let go and play in a relationship we need awareness. We need understanding and trust.

We often learn the hard way how important those things are though, even if we already know what they are.

Those with hearts often serve as prey to toxic people and behaviors. Always taking it on like we have to for some reason. Rationalizing the mistreatment in some way out of misplaced empathy and wishful thinking.

The ideal love we think we have is shattered by slights and abuses that we don’t even recognize until it’s too late. Maybe we try to hold on to the person who is hurtful and situation that devalues us.

You can’t love a parasite in your body away nor can you love a toxic person, a narcissist, to change. It just feeds and enables them.

So fuck them.

I don’t believe in moral ambiguity when it’s about how human beings should treat each other. This is the simplest and least ambiguous thing there is.

Some people would say that these aren’t positive wishy washy words for the holiday, and I’d say that’s exactly what a toxic person would say. If we see no evil and speak no evil we can’t see their behavior and point them out.

So protect thyself with awareness.

Love can still (always) be experienced. From a different perspective, maybe a weary if not wiser perspective, it can be had though.

The bad experiences take us into the dark, they block us off from real love and try to isolate us. Love is always there though, it doesn’t go anywhere. We can always find it again. It’s found deep within if you can survive your own scars, pain, and sadness.

People who haven’t really been hurt tend to recycle the same old rhetoric that you’ll find love again and it will make everything right. That puts the focus outside the self though, it continues the problem that lead to the hurt first place. It makes it someone else’s responsibility.

And what of the time in between meeting someone else and being alone? Who’s to say that you do meet someone else? Not trying to be a downer as there is a great possibility we will meet someone else yet there’s no guarantees. So you have to get to know yourself, make a friend with yourself. Know your heart and body.

There are no guarantees but we can increase our chances of encountering love again by getting to know ourselves. Healing ourselves. Knowing what we love and what we’re about, tends to attract the same. That’s when we’re most magical, that’s when we meet love when we least expect it but it’s not even the universe’s power that delivers the new experiences. It’s our own. It’s how much we know and love ourselves, and draw others to us who are compatible with our self love.

I think, and this is my experience, what makes everything alright is knowledge. It’s processing what happened and coming out more aware and stronger from it.

Fuck the toxic and abusive people. I don’t mean that spitefully. I mean, they don’t deserve thought or energy. If they’ve hurt us they’ve already taken enough from us.

What is normally a virtue and strength in a healthy relationship, a toxic person will exploit as a weakness and use against us. Especially empathy and the desire for things to be better than they really are.

Empathy and openness make a healthy relationship incredibly strong, but in a toxic relationship they are exploited and leave you feeling exploited and bad about yourself.

A healthy relationship should build us up though. It should honor and exalt our hearts and humanity, not exploit them. The first relationship we have is with ourselves.

There is often little we can do to control how others treat us if they don’t care to care how they treat us. We have all the control in how we treat ourselves and that relationship though.

I could write volumes about the toxic and hurtful experiences I’ve been through, and how I’ve been used at times of vulnerability and naivety. The answer is the same though no matter who we are and what we’ve been through. The only thing that makes it right is the healing we do within. The knowledge and awareness we give to ourselves.

It puts us in a position to love and be loved as a whole not a half. Two wholes make a stronger relationship, like interlocking rings. How do they interlock if they are whole? That’s the magic of real love. Its bonds are powerful and yet it is completely freeing and uplifting.

Truth is Offensive

Truth is offensive.

It always has been. I guess ever since there has been an “ego”.

This truth has merely been politicized (and weaponized against the common mind) in modern day. That truth is offensive. So the ego becomes its own autoimmune disease against its own consciousness and chances at growth out of the darkness.

Embrace truth. Embrace self honesty. Face your own mirror. Be brave to see through the bias that you hold about the world around you.

Tear the circus down because it’s not providing you with useful content or even entertainment. It’s a parasite that is feeding off of you. You are its battery and it has no love or respect for you. We’re all resources for it to exploit. So clowns of every shady shade can dance on stage while we suffer for scraps.

This isn’t about calling others out and poking holes in others’ arguments for a myopic and brief hit of egotism over the other guy. This is about having the courage to see the blind spots and holes in your own view. To undress your own hypocrisy. As difficult as it is.

It’s better to learn to sustain on boring offensive truth than the unsustainable fast food. The fast food that makes us feel good as it makes us feel like shit, but we push that discomfort deep down. Our aversion to the fast food is our guardian yet we push it down to put on a face and go along with the crowd.

No one has to follow the crowd off the cliff. It may have a strong momentum but going within is a stronger grounding.

Embrace truth because it’s the only way to survive. The body needs proper nutrients and the consciousness needs real light and truth.

The Test of Consciousness is…

The worst human folly is the refusal to face one’s dark side. There is no arguing this fact, only avoidance of it. That dark side always becomes someone else’s problem until it is faced. Our fucked up world will praise you if you can find ways to project your garbage on to others and get away with it. Example – those who run the world.

The false duality of “us vs them” in our mind controlled world exists largely upon the impetus to seek and make straw-men and scapegoats.

There is a great vacuum in many. Where there should be inward looking there is lashing out. Where there should be self-house cleaning and scrutiny of one’s sacred cows/beliefs/biases/associations/leaders/champions there is projection and flinging of mud.

Everyone has a sad story about how they are a victim. Yet too many people are victims eager to become bullies and abusers. This secret impulse runs unchecked because it stems from the shadow and blind spots. Far too many seek to win the game of dominance-over-others (and unconsciously appoint authority figures to be their champion enforcers), instead of working to win the game of self mastery and consciousness within.

Far too many are secretly eager in their shadows, in self absorption; emboldened in ego, to rationalize, to champion selfishness. The less we develop the discipline to face and handle our shadows the more we become lax in letting our shadows and dark sides take over.

One can not consider their self truly conscious until they realize the hypocrisy in that. Even the biggest politicians, celebrities, religious leaders, even rocket scientists are not truly CONSCIOUS if they have not realized the hypocrisy in that… and done something about it in their selves and in their own lives.

We are not truly conscious or intelligent until we realize this.

Real consciousness is born in many moments of self humility, of not knowing the answers, even in scary shaky moments, even shocks to the system that all bring self awareness. It’s just the true self’s way of telling the ego to come back home to center. Breaking it down. What is disillusioned, may be replaced with true substance and authentic character.

Although, I have a harsh attitude toward bullshit. The way I see it, one hasn’t been through enough if they haven’t learned this lesson yet. The lesson where humility and wisdom begin.

No one is on the path until they’ve been cracked open by a few shocks and fallen to their knees for the path. Humbly opened up to the path and hungrily sought love and enlightenment with the screaming core of their being.

Wakeful consciousness begins where a humbling realization of one’s hypocrisy begins… which is where the ego in a false sense begins to end. One can accept and can be hungry for this kind of “death”, or go to sleep and wait for physical literal pains and nights to befall them.

Political Correctness, Spiritual Uncorrectness

It’s everywhere, but I’m not a right side winger, they have ego children issues too. I don’t prescribe to the dualistic ideology traps meant to arrest the masses in endless self destruction. You shouldn’t either. Just because the world writes you a prescription for something doesn’t mean you have to take it.

Political correctness condescends and patronizes. Let’s celebrate diversity by pretending it doesn’t exist, and lets celebrate differences by attacking those who think differently than us? Political correctness is the leftist extreme to the rightist extreme of stereotypical racism and sexism. Bigotry is bigotry. It’s the same thing in a new socially acceptable package. Can you smell the hypocrisy?

It doesn’t speak to the adult in people. It speaks to the egotistic child. It’s like feeding a child candy and video games their entire childhood and never setting any structure. The child may hate the rules but the adult in them understands. The adult in them appreciates being seen as capable of the responsibility.

Bringing out and sensitizing the egotistic child in people is not going to make a world of understanding and acceptance of the diversity of life. It festers conflict because the egotistic child within us operates in duality and thrives in conflict, not higher thought.

So then the person who is right and superior becomes the one who can cut down the other side of the argument better. The one who is more smarmy. The one who is more brutal. The one who can “bring it” and shame the other side best, regardless of one’s own authenticity and argument.

Then you get a hypocritical hydra puddle of people attacking people because they feel they’re persecuted and in the right. Everyone is a victim, which they believe gives them the right to strike out against everyone else.

I think if you’re smart and have self respect you’ll tune out any “leader”, any media figure, any influence who aims to sensitize the ego child in you and polarize you AGAINST someone or something.

Such is the game of senseless conflict, wasted energy, and darkness. In the end only the darkness wins.

Our only power over the darkness is consciousness and compassion.

but if people want to tear themselves up and be willing sacrifices to the darkness… I’d say send me a postcard, but not much escapes a black hole.

Merry Christmas, or so

Some Christmas metaphysical know-how.

This is an energetically powerful time of year and much energy is stirred up during it (when that energy would rather be resting).

What might be worse than Christmas starting months early is it ending abruptly after Christmas day.

Everything is built up for months in a Christmas way then it stops. Everything goes back to drab winter, and people go back to being miserable.

It’s like running a marathon and stopping on the finish line without walking it out. It’s like making love all night and walking out with a blank face immediately after the climax.

It’s jilted and unnatural. It’s also not natural to stir up such energy in people during the darkest time of year. There is less sunlight, less energy in people, it’s not a good time to expend ourselves. The energy drain and hangover can be a bitch. There’s a reason many people get sick this time of year and it’s not because it’s cold outside. It’s because the holiday hubbub drains them and messes with their energy systems like a yo yo.

If you engage in Christmas festivities it’s better to ride them out and taper them off. It’s better for the body and energy system to let things trail off naturally, according to their own rhythms.

So find a quiet spot, light a candle, have a mug of eggnog or tea… and let yourself relax into the winter spirit. The spirit of winter lasts all winter long. It’s a low key energy, unlike the spring, and best appreciated in quiet moments.

It’s easy for all of this to be obscured by “It’s Christmas! Run around! Stop!”

The soul is analog, not digital. Think about it. Then feel it out, in yourself.

Merry week or two after Christmas.

It Can Be a Jungle Without or a Garden Within

People show you who they are when you’re in a low place but it isn’t revealed until you’re in a high place.

Some people are nice out of genuine compassion, some are nice because you’re no threat when inferior.

Now I find it a funny world we live in where authoritarianism is so popular and external authority figures get so much appeal. This to the extent that people fight and even kill each other over whose external authority figure is supreme.

Yet so little regard for the inner authority and sovereignty of the individual self.

So much money and resources both internal and external given to the external authority figures.

Yet so little recognition and respect given to the heart and mind of each other.  So little care toward helping each other care for the garden of self.

You can’t get something for nothing in this world but you can get nothing for something if you give your energy to those external figures.

You can create great somethings if you use your energy cultivating your garden and helping those around you with theirs.

The Two Men in Man

There are two men in every man. There is his ego, his superficial self which you come to know in waking time.

There is his soul.  This is under the surface and unspoken. Yet it does slip through in speech occasionally, in symbolic actions and timings, and the actions a man takes despite what his ego says.

If you want to know a man pay less attention to his ego and what he says. The goodness or negativity of a man is told from his soul despite proclamations he makes on the surface. It is from within that men act from. Many are unconscious of what is driving them but this does not change what is driving them.

We live in a world where many men make proclamations on the surface, all their energy is invested in force and extroverted action. This has made man into a hypocrite and something of a shell.

So a man must awaken the sleeper within. He must humble his brash surface and go within, discover his soul. There he must do clearing and atonement, depending on its nature. He must get in touch with his true self and quest to consciously act in accordance with the eternal breath that gives him life and the unconditional heart which gives him his pulse and sentience. He must strive to act with the positive aspects of his soul. He must endeavor to act in “right action”, or conscious use of will in all that he does.

In this way man does not need salvation, he walks a path that is his salvation.

A man’s path becomes him whether he is conscious of it or not.

Don’t Vote Third Party! The Lesser Evils Await!

To everyone trying to dissuade others from voting “third party” or whatever – YUCK.

Seriously, YUCK. I hate pseudo plea pulls at the intellect and sympathy like that. I hate the way these arguments use subtle authoritarian angles and seek to push the fear buttons in others.

“I understand the need for third parties and your passion for them, but you must vote for such and such because of the greater evil”

YUCK.

Our world is already on a road of destruction and in desperate need of change. WE are in desperate need of a sense of urgency. It’s only a matter of time before there’s a Fukushima in the U.S., or fracking hits a fault line, or there’s world war 3.

We already live in a country that doesn’t give a shit about lead in drinking water. It’s not outlandish to conclude that greed and apathy rule not just our water supply but much of our modern world.

There’s so much destruction and our “leaders” don’t care! These are not good times in which to turn the mind off!

If we’re lucky we’ll use the bumps along the way to wake up. To withdraw our energy and consent from our own downfall.

I’m voting for anyone but the two “evils” because I care about my self, perhaps karma. Seriously, if the world goes to shit I want to know that I didn’t support one crook over another. I have self respect and it is a respect that deeply cares about others too, about survival on a deeper and long term level not just what’s happening on the news today.

There is no good reason to support any evil, lesser or not, if one cares about their integrity.

If it takes decades for the masses to wake up and withdraw their support from false and destructive roads, and explore other options, so be it!  We are in the mess we’re in because people have lost touch and “gone along to get along” too much. We think we’re thinking long term when putting support toward the “lesser” of evils but we’re merely taking a slower road to hell.

Long term vision is something many have lost.  We’ve lost the common sense to include the survival of our hearts and souls in our practical thinking.

The only way we can save ourselves from this mess is by WAKING UP.

Commend those with the strength and conviction to do so TODAY. Don’t patronize and condescend them.

It’s not smart to condescend those who think for their selves. You will be such a person yourself some day if you aren’t already, and the “karma” we accumulate for kicking others for thinking for themselves can be ruthless. It’s the most difficult test of the soul anyone faces in this world, it’s the loneliest and harshest test. Few want to face it so they stay asleep.

There’s nothing wrong with that (we wake up when ready), but it’s not good to attack those who do challenge themselves and question the world. It’s better to listen and learn from them as we will be them ourselves some day.

It’s always better to be awake today than pay for it tomorrow. Yet there are many extenuating circumstances in which we think we must “go along to get along”. Just because we have to do that sometimes doesn’t mean we should be ok with it. Not being ok with it is what makes us human.

It’s the conflict, the nagging itch within that makes us alive. As soon as we give that up and go to sleep we are no longer living.

Condescension toward those who have courage to think for themselves is, always has been, and always will be shameful.

Maybe it’s better to stop trying to convert them and rather stop, listen, and learn from them.

The Strength To Stand True

Sometimes I’m reminded at how incredibly human, and immature, we all are. How we all have the same basic needs, that we’re social creatures seeking acknowledgement and company.

It’s one thing to seek empathy from our fellow human beings, to feel that we’re heard and acknowledged. Sometimes this need can be strong, and we have strong things to say. It’s a wonderful thing when we can share and feel heard.

It’s another thing to be like “If you don’t agree with me, side with me, and jump on MY bandwagon/how I see things then you’re not on my side and you’re the enemy!”. It’s like people who are addicted to the news, when they see something negative they expect you to jump into a negative discussion about it… but if you’re quiet rather than waste your energy talking about that negative story they lash out at you.

The imbalanced mind sees everything as duality, “black vs. white”, if you don’t throw all of your energy and agreement into siding with an imbalanced person they will turn you into an enemy too.

The human ego believes it is the center of the universe. The problem is it’s not centered, it’s mad and erratic. The ego also tends to have a problem with being too racing/active and desperately needing to find inner stillness. It’s an indication that a mind is imbalanced when it can’t appreciate objectivity and stillness… and strangely enough it’s the same imbalance that can’t appreciate free thought and authentic expression! It’s the same imbalance that tries to squash originality and freedom in others.

Some things I read today reminded me of the many struggles I faced growing up being an “outsider” because of my own calm and objective mind. People would often be drawn to my calm, strength, and I’d do amazing things for them. I’d be incredibly kind to them, but then they’d lash out at me for keeping to myself/having my own thoughts/not feeding into their biases and dramas. They’d lash out at me for standing alone and not joining a group. I was also bullied by the biggest bullies yet they never defeated me (they eventually got the picture that continuing to bully me would of been detrimental to their well being).

Bullies are everywhere, and anyone who misuses their strength over others seemingly free of or indifferent to the consequences. The bully is someone who desperately needs to face the mirror. The same could be said about the unhealthy ego in general though. It’s mad and hypocritical. It’ll attack you for what’s it doing. It’ll contradict itself in the same sentence. All in some dazed fantasy realm that distorts reality, free of self reflection and accountability. Not everyone is a “bully”, yet the typical asleep and unhealthy ego is more on the spectrum of the bully than it is on the spectrum of the hero and true self. The inner self. The authentic self, at one with thy heart and soul.

We’re all victims in some way or another in this world. How we handle it writes our tales. How we handle it is what makes us our own heroes or bullies. Some people are more asleep than others, some are madder than others. The more you awaken the more this becomes noticeable. Sometimes because those bullies and mad egos will try to push you around or take advantage of you. It’s all an incredible challenge but if you are awakening you’re already on the path. You likely have the strength to find your way, and the way is within. It’s knowing thyself. It’s your inner/higher self. It’s staying true, holding yourself both high and accountable, even when the world seems mad. It’s fully embracing yourself, it’s self forgiveness and empathy, even when the world seems cruel and unforgiving.

It takes tremendous strength to have your own mind. It takes tremendous humility, maturity, and compassion to know how mad and immature people (with their egos) can and will probably be to you at some point or another. The more you stand as your own person, the more challenges you face from the group and group think.

It is admirable for any of us to practice stillness, centeredness, and objectivity. It’s admirable when any of us exercises calmness of mind. It’s the most “bad ass” thing one can do, in a Kung Fu kind of way. It’ll make you stronger than any extroverted and flashy display of dominance.

I’ve always believed in pushing the self. Push thyself until thyself faces the mirror and has their breakdowns. Do not be afraid of those break downs, embrace them and come out stronger. Don’t push others around or attack others, especially when it’d be easy to do so.

To master the self is the greatest challenge.

It makes you tough because you’re immediately an outsider to your fellow human beings, and being an outsider now you must develop your internal strength, non attachment, and even compassion to deal with people who are going to pick on you for being an outsider.

Outsider is really code for your true Self.

It’s what makes us all insiders on the real journey. It unifies us all, no matter the mountains we have to climb or how we get there. True Self.

Acceptance, All Of The Sudden

and all the sudden, as if crept up on you, acceptance becomes an imperative, a burden, another requirement to live up to. You must accept *this*. You must accept your pain, your fear, the way things are or have been. You must forgive. You must let go. You must, because it’s become a moral imperative. An unforgiving condemnation.

So the release comes not in acceptance. It comes in accepting that there are some things you can’t or won’t accept, and that’s ok.

Then you’ve met the heart of acceptance, not the ego pretending to practice it. Not the peer definition. Not the punishing imperative. But the real heart of it.