Category Archives: self love

Climbing Mountains

FHLs

Day # I don’t know, of my recovery. Pushing myself, facing my body’s pains and fear. I think it’s getting there when you can do the Rocky moves in your work out. I don’t need a mountain to climb, I’ve been climbing a mountain since I was born. The mountains run away from me because they’re afraid I’m gonna eat them up in toe and heel.

It’s the journey and it can be long and lonely.

Sometimes there’s people along the way and they say, “Hey you’re so good at this can you carry my weight?”. Sometimes you help them out. Sometimes you gotta leave them in the wind.

It’s the paradox of the mountain. There’s other people on it and if you’re higher than they are and they’re asking for help, they can’t return the favor. Not today. They’ll make you feel alone as you carry their weight close to your chest. You’re not really holding them, just holding their load. They might be sitting on their ass at the bottom of the mountain. They might be higher than you but not in heart because they might forget about you when they make it.

It’s the paradox of the mountain. The more alone you are on the rugged trail and it does draw ragged beads from stung eyes, the more alone the closer you feel. In the open air, closer to everything. The more you appreciate every contact and every connection.

I’ve been climbing since I was born. There’s only one other person I respect in this world and that’s the person who’s climbing theirs too.

You can only hope that others live with the same reverence, like a spark of solidarity, but you gotta climb yours, gotta love yours.

It’s the journey, it’s the trail tailor made to the soul, fit to the soles. It’s our mountains we climb. It’s our climbs that bring us together. In the climb we find our peace, in our deepest pushes we find our harmony.

Be your best

As the younger man I worked myself with respect for the wisdom and temperance of the older man. As the older man I work myself with honor for the passion and optimism of the younger man.

My true self is who I honor. It’s who I’m most committed to. It’s who I answer to. Nothing is more motivating than knowing how dangerous self betrayal is.

It isn’t selfish. Although talk like this could be mistaken. Talk like this has a soul and narcissism does not. Talk like this scrapes, bruises, cries and struggles to “get there”. Talk like this cares about meeting one’s own greatness. Where one is already standing and awaiting oneself.

The most selfless and self sacrificing thing you can do in this messed up and confused world is honor your true self and be your absolute fucking best in it.

The Deepest Temptation

If you want to know why the world is fucked up and why “despite all my rage I’m still just a rat in a cage”, read this.
Then follow up with this as an example of the problem.

It should be noted that the dogmatic assholes who level accusations of moral failing, sin and karma against addicts or anyone in a destitute situation are (consciously or not) part of or serving the evil they claim to be fighting.

They’re part of a destructive system that plays games against humanity. A system that trips humanity up and gets people to feel guilty about themselves for being human. These forces do not want a harmonious world. They want chaos and suffering. They know that the rats are going to go for the drugged water if the cage is made toxic and isolating.

The nature of true evil is not a moral failing or fairy tale figure with horns and a tail. The nature of true evil is something incredibly anti-human (anti-life, anti-matter, anti-spirit). It has no point of reference in the human world and known universe other than maybe the deepest and staunchest clingings on to the force of denial. Denial against freedom, beingness, and the very natural and spontaneous flow of creation itself.

Evil is what has created our culture and is everywhere in society where natural humanity is shamed and natural connection and bonding between warm blooded creatures is shunned.

Some call this evil “patriarchy”, and the negative male ego is very much part of it. The negative male ego, with its desire for power and control, is sort of evil’s prison bitch. The negative male will readily sell out his soul if he thinks he’s going to get a power or ego fix from it. Many men habitually exist in this state of soullessness because it’s been woven into society and the collective mind to think and act in such ways.

Despite how many men (and women) have sold out for power, for money, for fancy suits and cars, and to own the feminine* the source of evil is not humanity. It is something very not human. Something akin to the machines in the Matrix movies. Something that does not understand humanity and its needs at all, something with a sadistic apathy toward it.

*At least the material expression of the feminine (and human soul), as the highest heavens elude those who operate in control and malignant aggression… in crude terms one can not rape their way into the highest gateways of the Mother. Doorways only open for honest hearts and spirits that grasp compassion. “Heaven” never kicked us out, we strayed from it. We kick ourselves out and close the door further with every unhuman act. Love is eternal however, and the arms of love reach out and cry as we stray into unnatural, unhuman territory. Only unnatural patriarchal gods seek to judge (with their limited sight) and punish. Truly, the truest eternal power cries out quietly for us and reminds us that we can turn away form our self betraying unhuman ways at any time and come back to our humanity and souls.

This is the truest temptation of the Mother force, the feminine expression, that unhuman religions and autistic masculine minds demonize and fear.

It’s basic touch itself, even the recognition of our own beingness in our own warm bodies, that these unhuman forces seek to separate us from and have developed entire mind infecting paradigms of polarization and terror against.

It is that basic need that tempts us in our deepest souls to reunite with. Love is what nourished our souls and made any of us what we are today. It is sad how far we’ve strayed.

I can hear the universe crying for us, can you?

The Self Thread

tree dance

Self authenticity is everything and what is the “self”? There must be universal threads in every self for the self to be referred to as the “Self”. The Self must be one part of the ever present holy trinity, however your personal framework of spirituality frames it. Not to be mistaken for religion and dogmatism of gods and devils which is another trap to keep the mind in dualistic division. The number three is part of many spiritual traditions, the trinity at the basis of life and creation. Life as a trinary circuit.

These threads must have something to do with being genuine, with integrity, with honesty, with personal responsibility and accountability. Basically all the qualities we need to cultivate in ourselves to access and truly know the “Self”.

Basically all the qualities that you won’t find on TV in public caricatures of empty importance. Those who have replaced their threads of Self with superficial enslavement, drawn themselves out of the trinity to draw themselves into a false matrix. The quo has already abandoned them, they have nothingness to look forward to when the transient ride ends.

We should really be savvier than that. We should implore ourselves to ask how we are part of the trinary circuit and how we can be most present in it which is to be fully alive (the path of Selfhood, the authentic self).

There is an eternal circuit for those who are honest toward themselves. For those who are ruthlessly compassionate with themselves there is the ecstatic nearly unbearable experience of being. There is light and there is dark, there is happiness and there is sadness, but those who find center find something greater than all sides of the coin.

There is the loop of infinity and creation alive in all living things. There is a matrix of substance and it begins within in the rumbles of self awakening that arouse your soul. It begins in every sliver that tells us we must look within and come to know ourselves. We must not just face ourselves but be willing to realize and experience ourselves so we know ourselves fully. Plant your feet on the Earth and be at one with your heart and the stars above, and you’ll know true luminescence.

The substance that connects us to eternity is within us but we must reconcile the pieces within. We must be courageous to face our egos, our undesirable and ugly sides that we deny, our shadows and repressed vulnerabilities and pains. We must brave the tests that the Self has set for us, in which to find it and let love find us.

This all boils down to the substance of the genuine self. The responsibility of the very being and awareness of the very breath.

There is no drug to deeply look within, there is no image or costume that one can put on to reach it. It’s reached in the sober moments and the quiet stillness of revelation.

This is the test, in your very breath.

Peace Through Paradox

No you’re not crazy. The more soulful you are, the more you grow, the more complicated life gets because the more complex you are.

If you were completely simple and “sane” without a challenging thought, that would be cause for concern.

Self mastery is not about minimizing yourself – any of your thoughts, passions and dreams. It’s not about life becoming simple in the quaint sense. You’d have to give up your unique identity and intriguing idiosyncrasies to do that.

Self mastery is integrating your complexity and making peace with your paradox. When you achieve this you will truly be lighter and free.

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