Category Archives: true self

Happy Love Day

True Love & Toxic Love: 14 Core Differences

In honor of the day and love that uplifts, heals, and frees the heart.

I was going to write something romantic, but there’s plenty of romantic sentiment elsewhere today.

Awareness is supreme and to be able to really let go and play in a relationship we need awareness. We need understanding and trust.

We often learn the hard way how important those things are though, even if we already know what they are.

Those with hearts often serve as prey to toxic people and behaviors. Always taking it on like we have to for some reason. Rationalizing the mistreatment in some way out of misplaced empathy and wishful thinking.

The ideal love we think we have is shattered by slights and abuses that we don’t even recognize until it’s too late. Maybe we try to hold on to the person who is hurtful and situation that devalues us.

You can’t love a parasite in your body away nor can you love a toxic person, a narcissist, to change. It just feeds and enables them.

So fuck them.

I don’t believe in moral ambiguity when it’s about how human beings should treat each other. This is the simplest and least ambiguous thing there is.

Some people would say that these aren’t positive wishy washy words for the holiday, and I’d say that’s exactly what a toxic person would say. If we see no evil and speak no evil we can’t see their behavior and point them out.

So protect thyself with awareness.

Love can still (always) be experienced. From a different perspective, maybe a weary if not wiser perspective, it can be had though.

The bad experiences take us into the dark, they block us off from real love and try to isolate us. Love is always there though, it doesn’t go anywhere. We can always find it again. It’s found deep within if you can survive your own scars, pain, and sadness.

People who haven’t really been hurt tend to recycle the same old rhetoric that you’ll find love again and it will make everything right. That puts the focus outside the self though, it continues the problem that lead to the hurt first place. It makes it someone else’s responsibility.

And what of the time in between meeting someone else and being alone? Who’s to say that you do meet someone else? Not trying to be a downer as there is a great possibility we will meet someone else yet there’s no guarantees. So you have to get to know yourself, make a friend with yourself. Know your heart and body.

There are no guarantees but we can increase our chances of encountering love again by getting to know ourselves. Healing ourselves. Knowing what we love and what we’re about, tends to attract the same. That’s when we’re most magical, that’s when we meet love when we least expect it but it’s not even the universe’s power that delivers the new experiences. It’s our own. It’s how much we know and love ourselves, and draw others to us who are compatible with our self love.

I think, and this is my experience, what makes everything alright is knowledge. It’s processing what happened and coming out more aware and stronger from it.

Fuck the toxic and abusive people. I don’t mean that spitefully. I mean, they don’t deserve thought or energy. If they’ve hurt us they’ve already taken enough from us.

What is normally a virtue and strength in a healthy relationship, a toxic person will exploit as a weakness and use against us. Especially empathy and the desire for things to be better than they really are.

Empathy and openness make a healthy relationship incredibly strong, but in a toxic relationship they are exploited and leave you feeling exploited and bad about yourself.

A healthy relationship should build us up though. It should honor and exalt our hearts and humanity, not exploit them. The first relationship we have is with ourselves.

There is often little we can do to control how others treat us if they don’t care to care how they treat us. We have all the control in how we treat ourselves and that relationship though.

I could write volumes about the toxic and hurtful experiences I’ve been through, and how I’ve been used at times of vulnerability and naivety. The answer is the same though no matter who we are and what we’ve been through. The only thing that makes it right is the healing we do within. The knowledge and awareness we give to ourselves.

It puts us in a position to love and be loved as a whole not a half. Two wholes make a stronger relationship, like interlocking rings. How do they interlock if they are whole? That’s the magic of real love. Its bonds are powerful and yet it is completely freeing and uplifting.

Truth is Offensive

Truth is offensive.

It always has been. I guess ever since there has been an “ego”.

This truth has merely been politicized (and weaponized against the common mind) in modern day. That truth is offensive. So the ego becomes its own autoimmune disease against its own consciousness and chances at growth out of the darkness.

Embrace truth. Embrace self honesty. Face your own mirror. Be brave to see through the bias that you hold about the world around you.

Tear the circus down because it’s not providing you with useful content or even entertainment. It’s a parasite that is feeding off of you. You are its battery and it has no love or respect for you. We’re all resources for it to exploit. So clowns of every shady shade can dance on stage while we suffer for scraps.

This isn’t about calling others out and poking holes in others’ arguments for a myopic and brief hit of egotism over the other guy. This is about having the courage to see the blind spots and holes in your own view. To undress your own hypocrisy. As difficult as it is.

It’s better to learn to sustain on boring offensive truth than the unsustainable fast food. The fast food that makes us feel good as it makes us feel like shit, but we push that discomfort deep down. Our aversion to the fast food is our guardian yet we push it down to put on a face and go along with the crowd.

No one has to follow the crowd off the cliff. It may have a strong momentum but going within is a stronger grounding.

Embrace truth because it’s the only way to survive. The body needs proper nutrients and the consciousness needs real light and truth.

The Test of Consciousness is…

The worst human folly is the refusal to face one’s dark side. There is no arguing this fact, only avoidance of it. That dark side always becomes someone else’s problem until it is faced. Our fucked up world will praise you if you can find ways to project your garbage on to others and get away with it. Example – those who run the world.

The false duality of “us vs them” in our mind controlled world exists largely upon the impetus to seek and make straw-men and scapegoats.

There is a great vacuum in many. Where there should be inward looking there is lashing out. Where there should be self-house cleaning and scrutiny of one’s sacred cows/beliefs/biases/associations/leaders/champions there is projection and flinging of mud.

Everyone has a sad story about how they are a victim. Yet too many people are victims eager to become bullies and abusers. This secret impulse runs unchecked because it stems from the shadow and blind spots. Far too many seek to win the game of dominance-over-others (and unconsciously appoint authority figures to be their champion enforcers), instead of working to win the game of self mastery and consciousness within.

Far too many are secretly eager in their shadows, in self absorption; emboldened in ego, to rationalize, to champion selfishness. The less we develop the discipline to face and handle our shadows the more we become lax in letting our shadows and dark sides take over.

One can not consider their self truly conscious until they realize the hypocrisy in that. Even the biggest politicians, celebrities, religious leaders, even rocket scientists are not truly CONSCIOUS if they have not realized the hypocrisy in that… and done something about it in their selves and in their own lives.

We are not truly conscious or intelligent until we realize this.

Real consciousness is born in many moments of self humility, of not knowing the answers, even in scary shaky moments, even shocks to the system that all bring self awareness. It’s just the true self’s way of telling the ego to come back home to center. Breaking it down. What is disillusioned, may be replaced with true substance and authentic character.

Although, I have a harsh attitude toward bullshit. The way I see it, one hasn’t been through enough if they haven’t learned this lesson yet. The lesson where humility and wisdom begin.

No one is on the path until they’ve been cracked open by a few shocks and fallen to their knees for the path. Humbly opened up to the path and hungrily sought love and enlightenment with the screaming core of their being.

Wakeful consciousness begins where a humbling realization of one’s hypocrisy begins… which is where the ego in a false sense begins to end. One can accept and can be hungry for this kind of “death”, or go to sleep and wait for physical literal pains and nights to befall them.

Political Correctness, Spiritual Uncorrectness

It’s everywhere, but I’m not a right side winger, they have ego children issues too. I don’t prescribe to the dualistic ideology traps meant to arrest the masses in endless self destruction. You shouldn’t either. Just because the world writes you a prescription for something doesn’t mean you have to take it.

Political correctness condescends and patronizes. Let’s celebrate diversity by pretending it doesn’t exist, and lets celebrate differences by attacking those who think differently than us? Political correctness is the leftist extreme to the rightist extreme of stereotypical racism and sexism. Bigotry is bigotry. It’s the same thing in a new socially acceptable package. Can you smell the hypocrisy?

It doesn’t speak to the adult in people. It speaks to the egotistic child. It’s like feeding a child candy and video games their entire childhood and never setting any structure. The child may hate the rules but the adult in them understands. The adult in them appreciates being seen as capable of the responsibility.

Bringing out and sensitizing the egotistic child in people is not going to make a world of understanding and acceptance of the diversity of life. It festers conflict because the egotistic child within us operates in duality and thrives in conflict, not higher thought.

So then the person who is right and superior becomes the one who can cut down the other side of the argument better. The one who is more smarmy. The one who is more brutal. The one who can “bring it” and shame the other side best, regardless of one’s own authenticity and argument.

Then you get a hypocritical hydra puddle of people attacking people because they feel they’re persecuted and in the right. Everyone is a victim, which they believe gives them the right to strike out against everyone else.

I think if you’re smart and have self respect you’ll tune out any “leader”, any media figure, any influence who aims to sensitize the ego child in you and polarize you AGAINST someone or something.

Such is the game of senseless conflict, wasted energy, and darkness. In the end only the darkness wins.

Our only power over the darkness is consciousness and compassion.

but if people want to tear themselves up and be willing sacrifices to the darkness… I’d say send me a postcard, but not much escapes a black hole.

A Call of Manhood

May this be a courageous year.

Men once had courage. They had courage before greed and possessiveness, before obsessing on acquiring the most stuff and owning vaginas before they even know their own bodies. Before they became agents of a dark machine who sell their will for an attempt to control others, ready to fuck each other over for a piece of ass or a share of the green pie.

Before all that they had courage. Before all that, nobility wasn’t a celebrity in a tuxedo. It was an inner cultivated quality and men pushed themselves to the edge to cultivate it. For a chance to know integrity and nobility.

A man would be wise to not be swayed by the machine, to not let other men set the tone for what true stature is, to not let vamps seduce him to think that stature has to do with external things.

A man sets his own tone. A man seeks to stand strong in nature, in the universe, in of himself, this is a test.

If you’re a man I hope that you find it again. I hope you get as fired up for your independent thought and sovereignty as you do for alcohol, pussy, and big screen tvs. I hope to see you on the front lines of consciousness, braving the frontier of our soul evolutions and protecting all which truly matters in our hearts, as men are supposed to do.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!

May your ego be full of a little less hubris and your attitude a little less cynicism

If we’re corrosive to ourselves and others it doesn’t matter how much love and happiness we receive. It gets drained.

So I wish you sobriety. May you learn to look at life without bias so your ego doesn’t constantly drain you.

If all you want is happiness and simplicity I hope that truth never finds you. I hope you manage to hide from the light in uncomfortable darkness. Though maybe you have some form of superficial light to cling to like money, outer beauty, material possessions, social status, etc. So if all you want is to be simple and happy, may your desire for substance and true light never surpass the shallow measures in your life.

Do not expect me to join you, do not expect me to respond when you get mad when I walk away. I return jagged insults back to sender. If you have shadow to process then may you realize what caused it, and eat your own, instead of making it someone else’s burden. None of us can afford those who wield hurt but turn into drama majors when the mirror is turned on them. There are people with mental illness who behave that way but the majority of the population has no such excuse.

If you’re hurtful toward others may you find the humility to see yourself and see past your ego to consider other people. May you realize it’s not all about you,

May this be the year you realize that if you play with negating words/actions toward others you’re playing with darkness and waive your right to play a victim. There is no right side when the sides are owned by darkness.

May this be the year we all see through the facade of our own false “innocence” aka naivety, the hubris that corrodes our true essence.

If you want to be more than a creature in a cage, may you wake up to how brutally and beautifully complex and incredible life is.

At the end of the day we don’t matter as superficial identities that mostly aren’t even defined by us but by society and what we think we need to be. I don’t wish you trite happiness if it means going to sleep in the machine. I wish that you find courage to face the light of consciousness and your mirror.

Happy New Year. Many blessings. May you find humility and your best possible path that makes you shine and contributes to the universe at large. Be a universal citizen and be your own authority on your integrity. Neither gods, nor karma, nor anyone else is going to keep you in check.

The Connection Inherent in “Independence”

Forget Minimum Wage. Jesse Ventura says what we oughta have is Maximum Wage.

Food for thought. It is a tricky area to get into limiting how much people can make or how much they should. We live in a culture that is materialistic and survival of the fittest focused. That survival doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with being virtuous, productive, or even competent.

In this game we forget one thing. The power of money doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It implies having power over other human beings.

If you make billions while your employees suffer, that money implies taking power from other human beings.

Everything is interconnected. There is no such thing as someone who is rich and totally independent, the tycoon icon. That money was gotten from somewhere and it implies holding power in society or over others.

Why would anyone need all that control over others? Unless they have a big empty ego. People with big empty souls and big egos need healing not money and power over others.

Money is a symbolic means of energy and reward transfer between people. If we’re going to be critical of people on food stamps etc for putting a burden on our resources, we need to be as critical on those who make more than anyone needs and on programs that waste more than any one person does (like unnecessary wars).

In America and in our world we don’t necessarily respect money and the resource of it. We respect the materialistic survival of the most shrewd game in which people acquire money.

We look down upon those, from our own fear and greed, who don’t have material resources. If someone makes billions a year through unscrupulous means, they’re looked up to.

The unconscious impulses in ourselves are a mirror we all have to face and a distorted dream we all have to wake up from if we want to survive. It’s time to stop lauding that as the “American dream”. It’s not a good dream to have. It’s a dark dream that has us believe it is righteous but takes us into the dark.

It Can Be a Jungle Without or a Garden Within

People show you who they are when you’re in a low place but it isn’t revealed until you’re in a high place.

Some people are nice out of genuine compassion, some are nice because you’re no threat when inferior.

Now I find it a funny world we live in where authoritarianism is so popular and external authority figures get so much appeal. This to the extent that people fight and even kill each other over whose external authority figure is supreme.

Yet so little regard for the inner authority and sovereignty of the individual self.

So much money and resources both internal and external given to the external authority figures.

Yet so little recognition and respect given to the heart and mind of each other.  So little care toward helping each other care for the garden of self.

You can’t get something for nothing in this world but you can get nothing for something if you give your energy to those external figures.

You can create great somethings if you use your energy cultivating your garden and helping those around you with theirs.

The Two Men in Man

There are two men in every man. There is his ego, his superficial self which you come to know in waking time.

There is his soul.  This is under the surface and unspoken. Yet it does slip through in speech occasionally, in symbolic actions and timings, and the actions a man takes despite what his ego says.

If you want to know a man pay less attention to his ego and what he says. The goodness or negativity of a man is told from his soul despite proclamations he makes on the surface. It is from within that men act from. Many are unconscious of what is driving them but this does not change what is driving them.

We live in a world where many men make proclamations on the surface, all their energy is invested in force and extroverted action. This has made man into a hypocrite and something of a shell.

So a man must awaken the sleeper within. He must humble his brash surface and go within, discover his soul. There he must do clearing and atonement, depending on its nature. He must get in touch with his true self and quest to consciously act in accordance with the eternal breath that gives him life and the unconditional heart which gives him his pulse and sentience. He must strive to act with the positive aspects of his soul. He must endeavor to act in “right action”, or conscious use of will in all that he does.

In this way man does not need salvation, he walks a path that is his salvation.

A man’s path becomes him whether he is conscious of it or not.

Lesser Evil or Greater, They’ll All Steal Your Instinct

Sometimes I wonder why we teach kids right and wrong if we’re expected to throw it away as adults.

I mean, what changes in us that makes us stray from what we know is right and to look up to what we know is wrong?

I see all this political fighting, in this dualistic arena that is so artificial. It’s like “Pick my side because my bully will only push you down, break your teeth, and make you eat sand! The other side will do all that and kick you in the head too!”

It’s like we’re programmed/conditioned/grown into this state of disconnect in our world where we lose touch with our own sense of self preservation.

I know a lot of people say “You have to vote for the lesser evil for your survival”.

But are we really surviving? We sure aren’t thriving as a whole. Are we surviving though, or slowly dying?

Everyone rejecting the mainstream, they’re just waking up to the fact that we’re dying and they’re saying “I don’t want to die!”

Anytime anyone questions the world, the “way things are”, and especially their own conditioning they’re saying “I want to live”

That’s the spirit of life. That’s the spirit of freedom.

We should revere and respect that spirit in ourselves and each other. Not try to squash it in each other.

I can’t think of anything more self destructive than trying to squash the life in each other.

We’re only on phones and computers right now because someone, at some point, discovered electricity and invented all these pieces of technology we’re using.

Someone thought outside the box and gave us running water.

You probably have ancestors who made decisions at one point that went against the group but lead to their own survival.

We’re losing that instinct. We have plenty of the instinct to be insentiently greedy, possessive, and materialistic. That greed and possession instinct doesn’t necessarily lead to the best chance of survival though.

The instinct to think for ourselves does. It’s the most important instinct because it’s the most sighted instinct.

From that independent instinct we are more aware, we behave more wisely. We don’t go around abusing and using others, or kicking them down, because from this instinct we’re aware of how precious our freedom is.

It’s the spirit of freedom, it’s something that children revel in. It’s something we would be wise to appreciate in each other.