Category Archives: wholeness

Happy Love Day

True Love & Toxic Love: 14 Core Differences

In honor of the day and love that uplifts, heals, and frees the heart.

I was going to write something romantic, but there’s plenty of romantic sentiment elsewhere today.

Awareness is supreme and to be able to really let go and play in a relationship we need awareness. We need understanding and trust.

We often learn the hard way how important those things are though, even if we already know what they are.

Those with hearts often serve as prey to toxic people and behaviors. Always taking it on like we have to for some reason. Rationalizing the mistreatment in some way out of misplaced empathy and wishful thinking.

The ideal love we think we have is shattered by slights and abuses that we don’t even recognize until it’s too late. Maybe we try to hold on to the person who is hurtful and situation that devalues us.

You can’t love a parasite in your body away nor can you love a toxic person, a narcissist, to change. It just feeds and enables them.

So fuck them.

I don’t believe in moral ambiguity when it’s about how human beings should treat each other. This is the simplest and least ambiguous thing there is.

Some people would say that these aren’t positive wishy washy words for the holiday, and I’d say that’s exactly what a toxic person would say. If we see no evil and speak no evil we can’t see their behavior and point them out.

So protect thyself with awareness.

Love can still (always) be experienced. From a different perspective, maybe a weary if not wiser perspective, it can be had though.

The bad experiences take us into the dark, they block us off from real love and try to isolate us. Love is always there though, it doesn’t go anywhere. We can always find it again. It’s found deep within if you can survive your own scars, pain, and sadness.

People who haven’t really been hurt tend to recycle the same old rhetoric that you’ll find love again and it will make everything right. That puts the focus outside the self though, it continues the problem that lead to the hurt first place. It makes it someone else’s responsibility.

And what of the time in between meeting someone else and being alone? Who’s to say that you do meet someone else? Not trying to be a downer as there is a great possibility we will meet someone else yet there’s no guarantees. So you have to get to know yourself, make a friend with yourself. Know your heart and body.

There are no guarantees but we can increase our chances of encountering love again by getting to know ourselves. Healing ourselves. Knowing what we love and what we’re about, tends to attract the same. That’s when we’re most magical, that’s when we meet love when we least expect it but it’s not even the universe’s power that delivers the new experiences. It’s our own. It’s how much we know and love ourselves, and draw others to us who are compatible with our self love.

I think, and this is my experience, what makes everything alright is knowledge. It’s processing what happened and coming out more aware and stronger from it.

Fuck the toxic and abusive people. I don’t mean that spitefully. I mean, they don’t deserve thought or energy. If they’ve hurt us they’ve already taken enough from us.

What is normally a virtue and strength in a healthy relationship, a toxic person will exploit as a weakness and use against us. Especially empathy and the desire for things to be better than they really are.

Empathy and openness make a healthy relationship incredibly strong, but in a toxic relationship they are exploited and leave you feeling exploited and bad about yourself.

A healthy relationship should build us up though. It should honor and exalt our hearts and humanity, not exploit them. The first relationship we have is with ourselves.

There is often little we can do to control how others treat us if they don’t care to care how they treat us. We have all the control in how we treat ourselves and that relationship though.

I could write volumes about the toxic and hurtful experiences I’ve been through, and how I’ve been used at times of vulnerability and naivety. The answer is the same though no matter who we are and what we’ve been through. The only thing that makes it right is the healing we do within. The knowledge and awareness we give to ourselves.

It puts us in a position to love and be loved as a whole not a half. Two wholes make a stronger relationship, like interlocking rings. How do they interlock if they are whole? That’s the magic of real love. Its bonds are powerful and yet it is completely freeing and uplifting.

The Test of Consciousness is…

The worst human folly is the refusal to face one’s dark side. There is no arguing this fact, only avoidance of it. That dark side always becomes someone else’s problem until it is faced. Our fucked up world will praise you if you can find ways to project your garbage on to others and get away with it. Example – those who run the world.

The false duality of “us vs them” in our mind controlled world exists largely upon the impetus to seek and make straw-men and scapegoats.

There is a great vacuum in many. Where there should be inward looking there is lashing out. Where there should be self-house cleaning and scrutiny of one’s sacred cows/beliefs/biases/associations/leaders/champions there is projection and flinging of mud.

Everyone has a sad story about how they are a victim. Yet too many people are victims eager to become bullies and abusers. This secret impulse runs unchecked because it stems from the shadow and blind spots. Far too many seek to win the game of dominance-over-others (and unconsciously appoint authority figures to be their champion enforcers), instead of working to win the game of self mastery and consciousness within.

Far too many are secretly eager in their shadows, in self absorption; emboldened in ego, to rationalize, to champion selfishness. The less we develop the discipline to face and handle our shadows the more we become lax in letting our shadows and dark sides take over.

One can not consider their self truly conscious until they realize the hypocrisy in that. Even the biggest politicians, celebrities, religious leaders, even rocket scientists are not truly CONSCIOUS if they have not realized the hypocrisy in that… and done something about it in their selves and in their own lives.

We are not truly conscious or intelligent until we realize this.

Real consciousness is born in many moments of self humility, of not knowing the answers, even in scary shaky moments, even shocks to the system that all bring self awareness. It’s just the true self’s way of telling the ego to come back home to center. Breaking it down. What is disillusioned, may be replaced with true substance and authentic character.

Although, I have a harsh attitude toward bullshit. The way I see it, one hasn’t been through enough if they haven’t learned this lesson yet. The lesson where humility and wisdom begin.

No one is on the path until they’ve been cracked open by a few shocks and fallen to their knees for the path. Humbly opened up to the path and hungrily sought love and enlightenment with the screaming core of their being.

Wakeful consciousness begins where a humbling realization of one’s hypocrisy begins… which is where the ego in a false sense begins to end. One can accept and can be hungry for this kind of “death”, or go to sleep and wait for physical literal pains and nights to befall them.

Merry Christmas, or so

Some Christmas metaphysical know-how.

This is an energetically powerful time of year and much energy is stirred up during it (when that energy would rather be resting).

What might be worse than Christmas starting months early is it ending abruptly after Christmas day.

Everything is built up for months in a Christmas way then it stops. Everything goes back to drab winter, and people go back to being miserable.

It’s like running a marathon and stopping on the finish line without walking it out. It’s like making love all night and walking out with a blank face immediately after the climax.

It’s jilted and unnatural. It’s also not natural to stir up such energy in people during the darkest time of year. There is less sunlight, less energy in people, it’s not a good time to expend ourselves. The energy drain and hangover can be a bitch. There’s a reason many people get sick this time of year and it’s not because it’s cold outside. It’s because the holiday hubbub drains them and messes with their energy systems like a yo yo.

If you engage in Christmas festivities it’s better to ride them out and taper them off. It’s better for the body and energy system to let things trail off naturally, according to their own rhythms.

So find a quiet spot, light a candle, have a mug of eggnog or tea… and let yourself relax into the winter spirit. The spirit of winter lasts all winter long. It’s a low key energy, unlike the spring, and best appreciated in quiet moments.

It’s easy for all of this to be obscured by “It’s Christmas! Run around! Stop!”

The soul is analog, not digital. Think about it. Then feel it out, in yourself.

Merry week or two after Christmas.

A Call of Manhood

May this be a courageous year.

Men once had courage. They had courage before greed and possessiveness, before obsessing on acquiring the most stuff and owning vaginas before they even know their own bodies. Before they became agents of a dark machine who sell their will for an attempt to control others, ready to fuck each other over for a piece of ass or a share of the green pie.

Before all that they had courage. Before all that, nobility wasn’t a celebrity in a tuxedo. It was an inner cultivated quality and men pushed themselves to the edge to cultivate it. For a chance to know integrity and nobility.

A man would be wise to not be swayed by the machine, to not let other men set the tone for what true stature is, to not let vamps seduce him to think that stature has to do with external things.

A man sets his own tone. A man seeks to stand strong in nature, in the universe, in of himself, this is a test.

If you’re a man I hope that you find it again. I hope you get as fired up for your independent thought and sovereignty as you do for alcohol, pussy, and big screen tvs. I hope to see you on the front lines of consciousness, braving the frontier of our soul evolutions and protecting all which truly matters in our hearts, as men are supposed to do.

The Two Men in Man

There are two men in every man. There is his ego, his superficial self which you come to know in waking time.

There is his soul.  This is under the surface and unspoken. Yet it does slip through in speech occasionally, in symbolic actions and timings, and the actions a man takes despite what his ego says.

If you want to know a man pay less attention to his ego and what he says. The goodness or negativity of a man is told from his soul despite proclamations he makes on the surface. It is from within that men act from. Many are unconscious of what is driving them but this does not change what is driving them.

We live in a world where many men make proclamations on the surface, all their energy is invested in force and extroverted action. This has made man into a hypocrite and something of a shell.

So a man must awaken the sleeper within. He must humble his brash surface and go within, discover his soul. There he must do clearing and atonement, depending on its nature. He must get in touch with his true self and quest to consciously act in accordance with the eternal breath that gives him life and the unconditional heart which gives him his pulse and sentience. He must strive to act with the positive aspects of his soul. He must endeavor to act in “right action”, or conscious use of will in all that he does.

In this way man does not need salvation, he walks a path that is his salvation.

A man’s path becomes him whether he is conscious of it or not.

Happy Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s day. Here’s a cute video.

Mothers give birth to cute animals like this. If we are to truly respect the mother we must respect her children, the life she gives birth to. It takes a lot of energy and love to create a new lifeform let alone birth and raise it.

To love one mother we must love all mothers, and the life they bring into the world.

People often forget this in “I love my momma” sentiments. I love my momma too but it is upon us to do more than revert to sappiness when faced with the archetype of the mother. It’s upon us to bring consciousness to the love we feel for our mommas. It’s upon us to live and act in ways that consciously recognize and respect the mother.

To do so we must respect all that she gives birth to. One gave birth to each of us too. She provided us the opportunity to experience life. Thank her by respecting her work.

Happy Mother’s day. Live, laugh, and celebrate life!

***something fun to do: see how many Conan Obrien’s you can spot in the video (this sentence is only as random as creation is spontaneous).

The Deepest Temptation

If you want to know why the world is fucked up and why “despite all my rage I’m still just a rat in a cage”, read this.
Then follow up with this as an example of the problem.

It should be noted that the dogmatic assholes who level accusations of moral failing, sin and karma against addicts or anyone in a destitute situation are (consciously or not) part of or serving the evil they claim to be fighting.

They’re part of a destructive system that plays games against humanity. A system that trips humanity up and gets people to feel guilty about themselves for being human. These forces do not want a harmonious world. They want chaos and suffering. They know that the rats are going to go for the drugged water if the cage is made toxic and isolating.

The nature of true evil is not a moral failing or fairy tale figure with horns and a tail. The nature of true evil is something incredibly anti-human (anti-life, anti-matter, anti-spirit). It has no point of reference in the human world and known universe other than maybe the deepest and staunchest clingings on to the force of denial. Denial against freedom, beingness, and the very natural and spontaneous flow of creation itself.

Evil is what has created our culture and is everywhere in society where natural humanity is shamed and natural connection and bonding between warm blooded creatures is shunned.

Some call this evil “patriarchy”, and the negative male ego is very much part of it. The negative male ego, with its desire for power and control, is sort of evil’s prison bitch. The negative male will readily sell out his soul if he thinks he’s going to get a power or ego fix from it. Many men habitually exist in this state of soullessness because it’s been woven into society and the collective mind to think and act in such ways.

Despite how many men (and women) have sold out for power, for money, for fancy suits and cars, and to own the feminine* the source of evil is not humanity. It is something very not human. Something akin to the machines in the Matrix movies. Something that does not understand humanity and its needs at all, something with a sadistic apathy toward it.

*At least the material expression of the feminine (and human soul), as the highest heavens elude those who operate in control and malignant aggression… in crude terms one can not rape their way into the highest gateways of the Mother. Doorways only open for honest hearts and spirits that grasp compassion. “Heaven” never kicked us out, we strayed from it. We kick ourselves out and close the door further with every unhuman act. Love is eternal however, and the arms of love reach out and cry as we stray into unnatural, unhuman territory. Only unnatural patriarchal gods seek to judge (with their limited sight) and punish. Truly, the truest eternal power cries out quietly for us and reminds us that we can turn away form our self betraying unhuman ways at any time and come back to our humanity and souls.

This is the truest temptation of the Mother force, the feminine expression, that unhuman religions and autistic masculine minds demonize and fear.

It’s basic touch itself, even the recognition of our own beingness in our own warm bodies, that these unhuman forces seek to separate us from and have developed entire mind infecting paradigms of polarization and terror against.

It is that basic need that tempts us in our deepest souls to reunite with. Love is what nourished our souls and made any of us what we are today. It is sad how far we’ve strayed.

I can hear the universe crying for us, can you?

The Self Thread

tree dance

Self authenticity is everything and what is the “self”? There must be universal threads in every self for the self to be referred to as the “Self”. The Self must be one part of the ever present holy trinity, however your personal framework of spirituality frames it. Not to be mistaken for religion and dogmatism of gods and devils which is another trap to keep the mind in dualistic division. The number three is part of many spiritual traditions, the trinity at the basis of life and creation. Life as a trinary circuit.

These threads must have something to do with being genuine, with integrity, with honesty, with personal responsibility and accountability. Basically all the qualities we need to cultivate in ourselves to access and truly know the “Self”.

Basically all the qualities that you won’t find on TV in public caricatures of empty importance. Those who have replaced their threads of Self with superficial enslavement, drawn themselves out of the trinity to draw themselves into a false matrix. The quo has already abandoned them, they have nothingness to look forward to when the transient ride ends.

We should really be savvier than that. We should implore ourselves to ask how we are part of the trinary circuit and how we can be most present in it which is to be fully alive (the path of Selfhood, the authentic self).

There is an eternal circuit for those who are honest toward themselves. For those who are ruthlessly compassionate with themselves there is the ecstatic nearly unbearable experience of being. There is light and there is dark, there is happiness and there is sadness, but those who find center find something greater than all sides of the coin.

There is the loop of infinity and creation alive in all living things. There is a matrix of substance and it begins within in the rumbles of self awakening that arouse your soul. It begins in every sliver that tells us we must look within and come to know ourselves. We must not just face ourselves but be willing to realize and experience ourselves so we know ourselves fully. Plant your feet on the Earth and be at one with your heart and the stars above, and you’ll know true luminescence.

The substance that connects us to eternity is within us but we must reconcile the pieces within. We must be courageous to face our egos, our undesirable and ugly sides that we deny, our shadows and repressed vulnerabilities and pains. We must brave the tests that the Self has set for us, in which to find it and let love find us.

This all boils down to the substance of the genuine self. The responsibility of the very being and awareness of the very breath.

There is no drug to deeply look within, there is no image or costume that one can put on to reach it. It’s reached in the sober moments and the quiet stillness of revelation.

This is the test, in your very breath.

The Living Paradox

yin yang

Reminder: The only true way forward is to see the good in all things and all sides. It’s only in an additive state of mind and embracing heart that we can truly make progress individually and collectively.

The stunted mind sees contradiction and tries to correct this through the impossible act of eliminating the opposing “side”. The healthy mind embraces paradox.

At the end of the day we’re all comprised of paradoxes that according to science and religion shouldn’t exist. The establishments of the world hate that we exist because not even the squarest peg fits perfectly.

Find beauty in all your rough edges and reconcile your paradoxes. At the end of the day we’re all much more than the roles and controls that this world has put on us.

If you remember this you have begun the journey of remembering everything.

We’ll all become living paradoxes again once we awaken from the slumber of dead contradictions.

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