Category Archives: romance

Happy Love Day

True Love & Toxic Love: 14 Core Differences

In honor of the day and love that uplifts, heals, and frees the heart.

I was going to write something romantic, but there’s plenty of romantic sentiment elsewhere today.

Awareness is supreme and to be able to really let go and play in a relationship we need awareness. We need understanding and trust.

We often learn the hard way how important those things are though, even if we already know what they are.

Those with hearts often serve as prey to toxic people and behaviors. Always taking it on like we have to for some reason. Rationalizing the mistreatment in some way out of misplaced empathy and wishful thinking.

The ideal love we think we have is shattered by slights and abuses that we don’t even recognize until it’s too late. Maybe we try to hold on to the person who is hurtful and situation that devalues us.

You can’t love a parasite in your body away nor can you love a toxic person, a narcissist, to change. It just feeds and enables them.

So fuck them.

I don’t believe in moral ambiguity when it’s about how human beings should treat each other. This is the simplest and least ambiguous thing there is.

Some people would say that these aren’t positive wishy washy words for the holiday, and I’d say that’s exactly what a toxic person would say. If we see no evil and speak no evil we can’t see their behavior and point them out.

So protect thyself with awareness.

Love can still (always) be experienced. From a different perspective, maybe a weary if not wiser perspective, it can be had though.

The bad experiences take us into the dark, they block us off from real love and try to isolate us. Love is always there though, it doesn’t go anywhere. We can always find it again. It’s found deep within if you can survive your own scars, pain, and sadness.

People who haven’t really been hurt tend to recycle the same old rhetoric that you’ll find love again and it will make everything right. That puts the focus outside the self though, it continues the problem that lead to the hurt first place. It makes it someone else’s responsibility.

And what of the time in between meeting someone else and being alone? Who’s to say that you do meet someone else? Not trying to be a downer as there is a great possibility we will meet someone else yet there’s no guarantees. So you have to get to know yourself, make a friend with yourself. Know your heart and body.

There are no guarantees but we can increase our chances of encountering love again by getting to know ourselves. Healing ourselves. Knowing what we love and what we’re about, tends to attract the same. That’s when we’re most magical, that’s when we meet love when we least expect it but it’s not even the universe’s power that delivers the new experiences. It’s our own. It’s how much we know and love ourselves, and draw others to us who are compatible with our self love.

I think, and this is my experience, what makes everything alright is knowledge. It’s processing what happened and coming out more aware and stronger from it.

Fuck the toxic and abusive people. I don’t mean that spitefully. I mean, they don’t deserve thought or energy. If they’ve hurt us they’ve already taken enough from us.

What is normally a virtue and strength in a healthy relationship, a toxic person will exploit as a weakness and use against us. Especially empathy and the desire for things to be better than they really are.

Empathy and openness make a healthy relationship incredibly strong, but in a toxic relationship they are exploited and leave you feeling exploited and bad about yourself.

A healthy relationship should build us up though. It should honor and exalt our hearts and humanity, not exploit them. The first relationship we have is with ourselves.

There is often little we can do to control how others treat us if they don’t care to care how they treat us. We have all the control in how we treat ourselves and that relationship though.

I could write volumes about the toxic and hurtful experiences I’ve been through, and how I’ve been used at times of vulnerability and naivety. The answer is the same though no matter who we are and what we’ve been through. The only thing that makes it right is the healing we do within. The knowledge and awareness we give to ourselves.

It puts us in a position to love and be loved as a whole not a half. Two wholes make a stronger relationship, like interlocking rings. How do they interlock if they are whole? That’s the magic of real love. Its bonds are powerful and yet it is completely freeing and uplifting.


Love? Love is a battlefield, but not the way you think it is… The real battles begin after we get past the dramas, betrayals and heartbreaks of petty makings and smaller minds.

There’s a machine out there that wants to destroy our souls. Love is when you remember how “God”,”Goddess”, source or whatever have you feels about you. How loved you are, encouraged and embraced. It’s when you spark it within yourself. It’s when you remind someone else. It’s when you feel it on all levels of being and you come alive. And you’re the night, and you’re the day, and you face the annihilating greyness. It’s chased away by a flicker and flight. You don’t have to move mountains because you are the mountain too and the sun that burns above it.

Love says, “I want you remember all that you are, fully. I want you to have a reunion with your dreams.” and the muse whispers so sweetly, “You muse me.”

Love? You can enter into someone’s life loving who they are with emphatic belief, as if from the heart and core of being, or you can enter someone’s life never really seeing them but with the intention to change them to fulfill your needs. One road leads to happiness, the other leads to ruin.

Maybe instead of wanting someone to be everything we deserve, we should wish for someone we love, adore and deeply believe in. So much that you only want them to be more of who they are. We’ll know what it means when someone becomes mythic in our minds but reminds us of how great we are, in our hearts.

It’s not putting the self aside, it’s loving the other as much as you love yourself. There is happiness in helping them reach and be that. When you both do it for each other you become like stars ever radiance. It’s a power when two people want each other to fulfill their own needs, to realize their own being, to reach their own potential. Like ever flowing stars in the ambrosiac night.

Love is alive. We’re just wasting too much of our love on people who aren’t really part of our lives, on faces on tv screens and empty things. Love is there when we befriend the people we want to be and find the hero within each. Love is alive when we find our meaning, and we’re the heroes. We’re the gods and goddesses. We’re the kings and queens. We’re the beggars and vagabonds. Tales sung around a fire, epics inspired. You and I.

Hold me and remind me how mighty I am. The numbing drums have taken their tolls on my sensitivity, my sentient high wire act and I forgot to feel my soles. We’re all just numbers not names in the grey cloud machine. We’re gutted and emptied, strung along to external idols. Let’s stoke a fire in each other. I can look into your eyes and I’ll hold your beauty in my heart. Emphasis will be interchangeable in the fiery kiln of empathy. Our loyalty will be to each other’s very best potential reached in life and across all planes of existence, vibrating beyond colors. Set free to adore. We’ll gaze at each other’s multi dimensional dance with the eye of awe and dizzying enamor. Send a static charge through your skin and we’ll remember how hairs feel when they stand on edge. We’ll be like warriors of a song dipping from dark to light. We’ll all be strength of the spirit, interchangeable yet undeniably unique. We’ll spark it within ourselves, we’ll find it in each other. You and I.

I asked true love, “What’s your favorite position?” and it said to me, “Side by side,”

How will you carry the grand story into the next moment of your life?

Daring For Beauty

I felt like posting something life embracing, a daring show of beauty. In a pair of lips, in a sift of sand, in a wisp of a wave… It’s not fearful. It’s not a gripping headline. It’s not ironic. It’s not meant to make your life seem unexciting. It’s not a trend. It’s not a top 10 list. It’s not new. It’s been around for ages. This thing called beauty. This thing called life. It might be said that the first time we fell in love was with life itself. So let’s rise.

The beauty of nature’s soul and the aortic vessel, promoting little bursts of ecstasy and grand moments blossoming. Life is provocative and my mind makes love to it every day. Ravishing, full body quaking orgasmic love. Let’s throw off our jaded clothes. Let’s try our staying power. Let’s see who smiles biggest…

Sometimes you find it within, sometimes it finds you without.

For my love and Mother ‘verse.

Dsc03191A white hot glow gently rouses the waves and entices the thirsty sands, in anticipation, sinking into the plush rosette horizon.

Dsc03143A kiss of amber orange amour rolls over a curve’s crest to adore the tip of the most comely peak.

Dsc03142Adorned with adore and flowing from the inside, a mountain reverberates.

Dsc01413The passion of ember sky like a heated glass hearth, the rich and blue sea building up deeply. Its secrets never told, ever felt in its fresh sprays.

Dsc01404Salty licks reach out upon the soft slope, teasing the shore, saturating its granules of eternity with tomorrow’s dreams.

0824131550She opens her elation wings with widest embrace upon the land. A dress to dress the world in a bathe of prismic luminescence. Hot with the light of life.

Dsc03213We’ll rise so high that we love where we are, remember to love what we are, right now at this moment.

1012141743The shoreline swelled and salty wet, the waves relaxed into their undulating rhythm wrapping the land ’round. Golden tracks galvanize a moment, hand in hand, a couple lifted by crystal scintilla pillows between the toes.

1012141741bFriends of four legs and fur chase the waves as she glows brighter in joy, radiating the horizon with dusk’s final fiery osculation. Rays reaching, lovers embracing in her embryonic wings.

1012141742aA long smooch in crisp air, stretching as far as the day will take it, only the dance of shadows hint. How deep the breath? How surrendered the lips? How swept the pulse?

Dsc00006Lips kiss soft as a petal-s delicate press; upon petals, daring to meet the scintillating possibility of bliss blossoming.

Every relationship with the passions that builds within and the beauty without is a secret romance with life itself. Amour, amour! Dear life, adore.

Imagine that we realized the life that abounds within us. Imagine that we fell in love with the beauty that surrounds us. Imagine that love was already embracing us.

The Continuum Of Being

heart nebula

They say that love and desire are two different things, that the body and the soul must be at odds with each other. I say they’re confused. I say that being human is a continuum of many different experiences of expressions.

Love may simply be desire followed through. Every spectrum needs its far and near.

It might be said that the first time you fell in love was with life itself and life loved you back with a life of your own. The second time you fell in love was when you learned the joy of sharing your love and love was shared with you. The third time will be when you return before the first time and let love fill you like breathing, as you remember the sea of being residing within your heart, your soul resonating, your dreams intensifying.

Penetration emanations


Penetration is everything. When you’re healthy and involved in life, you penetrate life. When you’re sick, afraid, etc, you don’t penetrate life and become distant and wither. It’s as much about bravery as it is strength. Plenty of people have the strength but squander it, they don’t have the bravery or interest.

So, this idea can be looked at sexually and it can be looked at from a more fundamental level.

The sexual is of course enjoyable to play with, and I wish more women understood that they need to be penetrating too (and the responsibilities that go with that). For a conscious man it comes naturally to know that one need bring a positive, loving, passionate, uplifting energy into his “penetration”. He knows that his energy must be positive and healthy, and he must create a balance with his rawness and stability. He’s gotta bring the right music to tune into his partner. Most women don’t want toxic, violent energies brought into their sacred spaces.

There’s a lot that needs to go into mastering our positive, forward moving energies in a conscious way. It’s great to be around those who have done so, it’s even better to be with romantic partners who have whether you’re a woman or man. Penetration takes place at any time in a relationship, it doesn’t begin and end with sexual intercourse. It’s every moment you touch their psyche and heart, and they touch yours. A fucking simple embrace can be orgasmic if done right.

I agree with the above links that for women, in general, to realize that they too penetrate their partners they must see themselves not as victims or strictly as receivers but as empowered and active forces as well. I’d like to see more women embody and own the power of their yang energies, their penetrating energies too. It’d be great if more women did that. They already do to mild extents, anytime we’re with someone our energies are going to mix, but you have to be conscious of something to fully embody and utilize it.

It feels amazing for either sex when someone (consensual of course) penetrates you with their raw, passionate, living, loving, powerful, beautiful energy. The genuine focus of real penetration is not selfish! It is to focus on your partner and getting to know them. It’s to share yourself with your partner as you come to know them. Look past the common stigmas of the word “penetration” – ie. it implies destructiveness or has to do with wanting to control or rape someone. That’s not true penetration. True penetration is giving and selfless. In a partnership dynamic, it seeks to reach the other person. Narcissism could give a care less about reaching and touching the other because it’s too involved with itself.

How many times have you gazed deeply and meaningfully into the eyes of your partner during lovemaking? How many times have you shown genuine care and interest in their souls? Lovemaking is the one time we should be striving to be most intimately open and penetrating. It might take practice and conscious effort to bring that depth of touch to other interactions with a partner but lovemaking provides the biggest incentive… because it’s lovemaking…

I’m for women learning the power of penetration and how they penetrate too because it’s necessary. I say that as a man who has experienced being extremely detached from his feelings and emotions, and whose learned to be penetrating in of himself. So extremely in touch as well. I know the pain many men suffer that they don’t know they’re suffering because they don’t know any differently. We can of course learn to penetrate ourselves, to get to know our own hearts and minds but I don’t think it’s either a completely independent journey or completely one in which a partner is relied upon. I think it’s both and we need to be strong and honest enough with ourselves to admit when we’re ready and need to take each step. Intimacy is not an easy journey to take but it is rewarding.Many a man becomes a bitter and angry man because he loses touch with the engagement of life in himself and no women are seeking to provide that for him. They’re not thinking about how they can offer their unique penetrating energy and yang force but if you’re a woman and have a partner or partners you should be because it’s one of the best things you can offer.

Deep down most men are afraid of their feelings and feel miniscule inside. They’re in a world that belittles them. Western culture is terrible toward manhood. People use the excuse of the worst examples of men to perpetuate that hate, unfortunately people don’t see that tearing down one side has dire consequences upon the other. Yet men also crave what women crave. Many men don’t know how to feel and connect with their passion and energy though. Good partners can open many windows for us.

If you’re a woman you probably know the joy that a man can offer you by being strong, focused, penetrating with this masculine energy. Well we all have yang energy and to bring it lovingly and passionately to a partner, to penetrate and entice them, to surround and arouse them with it is again one of the best things one can offer to a partner.

Most strong men don’t dream of helpless victims. They want women who are strong in their own rights. Women who can stand side by side with them, to share in intimacy with someone of equal passion and power. Anything less is draining. A smart man will seek women who renews his masculine energy. A smart man will stay away from a woman who saps his yang energy, usually because the woman has an unhealthy relationship with her own or a debt in herself that she needs to feed off of the man for. This is not unlike how abusive men steal feminine energy from women which can leave the most beautiful and loving women feeling ugly and empty. When we learn to stand in our inner power we learn to renew ourselves and cherish our energies, we learn to renew each other… Speaking of cherishing our partner’s energies and what they penetrate and surround us with (every drop), well, that’s a blog for another time!

Perhaps one of the greatest responsibilities we have as sexual, creative, energetic beings is that of learning and wielding our strengths. We might all have different kinds of strength but need stand in our strengths. No one who stands in their strength is a helpless victim. To share our strengths, our penetrating and encompassing energies, our desires to do something uplifting and enjoyable for our partners is not just about doing something for your partner. It’s something that is going to repay you by elevating the overall joy and passion that you share with your partner. For men and women. It takes a deeper sight to see this. Shortsightedness and pettiness will defeat anyone. What we do today will be what stands or crumbles tomorrow.

Remember that we all want to be penetrated. We all need to be shown the light, so to speak. We crave it, we yearn for it. We need to be touched by loving energy, and through its flow we find a way. Through the deepest chasms of our closed off desires and locked hearts. We find a breath, we find the light within. We find our own aroused expressions. To be touched is to know how to be touched, is to touch and teach someone how to touch.

When it comes to literal penetration, sex and romantic love we have a responsibility. If we’re going to fuck each other we should fully and thoroughly penetrate each other. It feels great, but it is a responsibility too. If we can’t handle the responsibility we shouldn’t fucking be fucking playing around with fucking.

When it comes to penetration there is no half way. There is all the way or nothing, part way  or an illusion is still nothing. This goes for going solo-plunging into and getting to know thyself, as well as romantic and sexual partnerships. Go full or go away. Do or do not, there is no try.

We all like it when someone takes the time and makes the effort to know and penetrate us, and open the doorways of life, love and light within us. We all enjoy that and it does everyone well.

If not you’ll die in there, in the small meek place in yourself. The unpenetrated place that you’ve not plunged and opened up and exhaled to the world yet, that hasn’t been penetrated yet. We die without contact with that loving light. We need life to touch us deeply, it’s the only way to touch life.

So let’s shake off the stifling one dimensional gender roles, or the idea that if a woman penetrates a man it’s gotta be with a dildo (because as robots of the internet age everything has to be literal). That’ll help bring some light in the context of sex and romantic love.

Bring on the empowered women who own their strength and energy, and know how to use it as much as men are expected to be masters of their cocks. Empowered women are a joy to behold. They can be rarer than a man whose learned his own yang energy, but the empowered woman who knows how to emanate and penetrate with her love and beauty is truly a wonder. I’m not talking about women who want to supplant men (they’re just as astray as men who bank on technology to compete with and replace women). We don’t need to compete with each other to each embody the emanation of our strengths. We each bring it forward in a different way. Learning to do so is to become comfortable with ourselves. To become comfortable with the strength we bring to life, not just to other people, is the first and most important step.

It doesn’t matter how weak, meek or like a victim anyone feels. Anyone can learn to become comfortable with their strength, their force of yang, and express it. Of course doing so in sexual play is a most enjoyable way. There’s satisfaction gained in knowing that you’ve proactively made someone smile. You weren’t just there in the flesh of thrusting firmness or rippling body parts. You are a leader at the forefront of the raw drenched orgasmic waves. Surfing the ecstasy.

Man or woman, we all seek partners who are self aware and empowered. Eventually, we have to wade through our distractions first. Our fallings for those who are simply good looking or have some hot button quality… but we’re not really dealing with the full force of self awareness and strength with them. When that power awakens within us we’ll only truly be satiated when we find it around us and in our important relationships.

Empowerment seeks empowerment (or inpowerment). Empowerment reinforces empowerment and sets it free.

heart nebula

Let love teach you

Introduction: This was written while wondering why people play control games in love, with love and sex. I’m perplexed by the contradictions out there. The over sexualization out there combined with the dogmatic condemnation of sex.

As a man I’ve found a particularly dangerous expression of this contradiction in women who play the seductive role for the sake of coercing a man into a controlling and severe relationship. It becomes dangerous for a man because those women are often waiting to demonize men, and sexuality, and even anything a man has shared with them, the moment that he doesn’t play along with their controlling game.

That can be scary for a man. I’ve said enough about my experiences though because I don’t kiss and tell, about the good or bad. I’ve generally experienced both extremes with the feminine including what I am going to write about in this essay as I see the true purpose of the feminine beauty. I’ve also experienced its dark side. You might say its controlling and heartless side. Which I consider to be very in line with negative masculinity as both lack heart and aren’t in touch with organic soul. On the male side there are abusive men who use force against women to control them. Sexuality isn’t fully recognized in controlling behaviors, it’s used as a tool to control and take something from others.

It’s sad when people do that because our passions and sexualities are such beautiful things.

The thing about anything in life is we can use it for creativity and joy or for control, but not for both. You can believe otherwise but we all find out the truth, either being on the controlling side or being the person who is subject to someone else’s controlling behavior. We can’t make others love us. Using force or force through coercion/blackmail to make others love us creates the conditions of false love and the illusion that we are loved. It doesn’t give us love.

Love begins in self acceptance and becoming comfortable with others. Love begins in loving ourselves and letting others love us. Real, deep love is met in the condition of receptivity and allowance. It’s not something we can control or put conditions on.

Actually, speaking about the authentic feminine it’s purpose is to teach us about being receptive and receiving love and beauty. Centering ourselves and allowing it, not grabbing it like an overly excited sexual partner. The authentic feminine also teaches us about conditional love in the form of transient and mortal love. This is the lesson to experience, let go and enjoy the moment but realize that it is transient. Even if you find one true monogamous partner one of you is going to die first, so the corporeal love affair ends eventually.

The authentic feminine’s teaching is to accept that life is mortal and can have challenges, but still to remain open to the beauty of it and let the love flow. Women are close to this lesson with their monthly cycles and the labors they experience in childbirth, and the child knows that there is nothing like a mother’s love. The receptivity toward life and love is the authentic archetype of beauty and seduction at work. It is to get us so worked up in joy and the ecstasy of experiencing life, and of creatively engaging in life, that we transcend our fears and in that way transcend the mortal condition (even though we’re most deeply enmeshed and aware of it).

It is the lesson of total unconditional love and acceptance, and that conditional beauty will always find a way to flow. Watch nature, no matter what is done to nature it always finds a way to make a place beautiful. We’re each and all beautiful if we want to accept it. In that acceptance we will find all love, from conditional erotic love to unconditional love. Love and beauty of all kinds are expressions of each other.

The feminine has been denigrated in our world though, and there are many negative programs which are dark distortions of femininity and masculinity that we act out. Sometimes we do so out of the fear and subconscious belief that we have to counter the dark behavior of others with our own. So conditional love for women becomes using physical love and emotion to gain/control a man who makes the most money/has the most stuff. Men play their own game by trying to sequester the the most stuff/be the most domineering toward women who are treated as attainable prizes.

As for the masculine, the false impulse to gain and sequester the most “stuff” (even hurting others in the process) is rooted in the masculine drive and duty of building the most energy and vitality so that a man can impress a woman with his ability to please her. To a more superfluous extent the masculine drive to collect “stuff” is done to peacock for potential partners, but security and the nests we build are most importantly built within. The false masculine impulse to be domineering is rooted in the drive to be self secure and decisive in life.

When it comes to the dance of love; authentic masculine and feminine power, as much as we can build up, eventually comes down to using it to move, motivate, inspire the opposite and your partner. It’s realizing that you are a mighty person or beautiful person but you’re using that in a dance that is about more than you, you can only really get to know yourself in the dance. You use it to help the “other” reach the sky… and through their joyful swells of heart, their palpitations and deep feelings you get to experience that part of yourself too (feminine or masculine).

There’s a reason that chivalrous knights kneel to the maiden, and that men get on one knee to propose. It is a completely sexual and passion drenched reason. It is saying, “I submit myself. Take me, show me, teach me your mysteries and beauty”. It is not giving away the ego and masculine power, it is a conscious bowing and self control of the male ego to recognize the power and beauty of the feminine, and its mysteries.

There is a reason that in our oppressive world women are drugged and laid down during childbirth, and standing birth is still seen as kooky (standing birth mind you can put the man or masculine partner in a position under the woman – her beauty, mystery and reproductive power). I’m not saying that natural birth is for everyone but the archetypal metaphors and symbolism in our world and how we do things says a lot about our world. Every behavior and pattern that we live is an archetype in motion. We are living expressions of deeper energies and intentions.

Authentic love is about realizing that, seeing the beauty in ourselves, accepting it, surrendering in it and playing in it because when it comes down to it love and sex are supposed to be enjoyable.

Even in authentic erotic love there is no chase. There can be playful games and teasing but there is no ultimate beginning and end. It’s a song with peaks and valleys but that is continuous. We like to think in linear set beginnings and ends though. In that context erotic love boils down to chasing and conquering someone (and then wondering why they’ve changed and getting bored with them). For men it’s often about ejaculation. However the creative and spiritual reality that all creation exists is continuous creativity. I’m not saying that no one should ejaculate, I’m saying not to treat it or anything as the ultimate end of the dance (if you’re a man this can mean a “massage” for your partner if you come first). Love, of all kinds, is something we authentically do in joy, from a place of love and joy in ourselves. It’s the dance that eternally awakens in the heart.

Men and women who play these games don’t do so from a place of love. These are played from a place of fear and insecurity-especially when they’re played in reaction to how the opposite sex has hurt us. Usually the people who play them the most have been hurt the most.

How can that be fixed? How can anyone be helped? It’s a good idea to get in touch with the beauty in ourselves though. Including the parts of ourselves that we’re not in touch with, have repressed or demonized (which sexuality often is for people). It begins in self acceptance. In letting the love, beauty and sensuality that fills the world reach you.


It is in our power to make love and sexuality enjoyable. It is in our power to rediscover the joy of being in ourselves just as much as it is to make life miserable.


Sometimes it is a very higher minded thing to keep sexuality in the context of sexuality, romance for the sake of romance, and appreciate it for what it is. Sometimes this allows us to see deeper into ourselves and partners without trying to, without trying to make it something.

This is true if we seek and keep in mind meaningful engagements of our time and energy. Don’t be afraid to explore what that means for you and can mean for you.

These meaningful uses of time and energy can’t be defined by a certain relationship type or contractual agreement. You can’t make someone love you. No amount of sweetness can force someone into a relationship agreement… but we try… Sometimes we succeed. Then we set yourself up for pain because someone will wake up eventually. There will be a break up, or divorce, or someone will cheat on the other person.

Trying to control other human beings with sexuality, to control their sexuality and have exclusive access to their love is going to invite problems because it’s a dark agenda to begin with. I don’t mean devilish as in Earthly, sensual, passionate (things that are demonized in our masculine-out-of-touch-with-the-feminine and autistic world). I mean it as cold, dark and misery inducing. Real devils are robots without feeling, not passionate grounded creatures alive with the bliss of life all around us.

earth is goddess

Too often we’re willing to do anything to force or coerce others into relationships and contracts because we’re reacting to the mirage of contracts, to programming in ourselves that tells us that we need a partner. We need to get married. We need children. We can’t be alone… and we devalue ourselves, we peddle ourselves to try to gain certainty from another uncertain human being, we play all sorts of games because we believe we have to to net a partner. It’s all for nothing because we’re not stagnant creatures. I don’t mean that to be cynical. The person passionate for freedom is going to seek that freedom with love, to see through their conditioning out of love, passionately drop the dark games. Once we realize how futile the games are and we stop playing them we’re free to get to know and explore ourselves. We’re free to find and create real connections with other human beings that may become deeper and turn into relationships.

There’s two big intentions we can set in love. That is the intention of freedom which is genuine love, or the intention of arrestment which is inauthentic love.


There are no such things as contracts set in stone (our world is full of contracts that attempt to deny reality, debt based money is an example). We are fluidic, ever changing beings. Sure the basic essence of what we are remains but we go through many stages, cycles and changes in life. We often share agreements with others when we engage in the dance of love with them, and these agreements are usually unspoken. They are in the mutuality we share with others.

True love has no contracts though. It’s loving someone and that they and you will change. It’s creating a space in your heart for them, with open two way doors. It’s realizing that you can share with someone if you choose to and share for the pure sake of sharing.

Playing with the object of your desire means seeing the object of your desire as more than an object. It is seeing and imbuing them with the freedom, love and joy that you love and desire yourself.

The romance of life

Life is romance. Everything is romance. Romance is art waiting to be practiced.

There are many emanations of the spectrum, shades and beams of light through the leaves in this art.

Many expressions of the romance and many disciplines to the art of being human. The romance of being a living independent lifeform.

One of the most important arts that we can learn and practice is the art of gratitude. Appreciate what you have and nurture that. Expound upon that. Be thankful and practice that art every day.

You will see, with any awareness, the death of many things in the fucked up world. You’d be right to complain, in some ways the sky is falling. This is not the end of the world. Human perception tends to be easily snagged by momentum it perceives.

If you love something you can promote what it’s not is not. Practice finding your center and stepping outside your reaction and the momentum of the degradation you see.

Get to know gratitude. Make a friend of it. Invite it over for dinner. Show it a good time.

flower candle

The art of appreciation is a fundamental art in the romance of life. It’s as fundamental as passion is and shares a home close to it.

The romance is a cruel mistress to those who fail to learn it and to those who choose defeat. Especially those who have it good but choose to complain and fixate on negatives. The world would rapidly change if those people woke up and started fixating on and promoting qualities of abundance and regeneration instead.

The mistress can be cruel but means to teach us. The romance is not a given. It’s a swim upstream and there’s no guarantees. Some of our journeys have been kicked before so we know how dynamic life is.

It’s an effort to swim the river and meet good people and good things, to be bathed in brighter and warmer waters. Focus on the qualities in yourself and the qualities in others and the water will be warmer. You’ll find that when you meet others like this and work together that swimming the river is easy. The mistress will become your wisdom and your bride.

If you focus on defeatism you’re already defeated and do yourself the worst disservice because it took your effort in the romance to be who you are today. That attitude hurts the bearer of it most. In that case we’re lucky if the mistress shows up with reminders because it means that we’re not fully out of touch with the river (which is impossible but some people are far out).

So practice the art of appreciation like a weight lifter would lift weights. Make it an exercise. There is no perfect perfection in the arts, there is perfecting our arts. Your life is your sculpture and canvas.

Appreciation invites life, love and creativity into your heart and invites you to the party and the romance that is life.

So pour a glass, invite gratitude in and open the door for yourself to join the romance of life.